There's a Market for Anything

Hello!

It took me by surprise at first, because I couldn't even imagine it would be desired, let alone popular enough for an entire product line. But as time went by, it became increasingly clear that Cottonelle toilet paper must be specifically designed to allow a finger through. Either that or they've failed rather spectacularly to make a useful toilet paper. But let's give them the benefit of the doubt. Let's assume that there is enough demand for a TP that includes a high likelihood of a surprise connection between fingertip and sphincter that such a product would be on the market and available wherever normal alternatives can be found.

It puts me in mind of a Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson quote from an old Stuff or Maxim magazine. This is from memory; I no longer have access to the magazine and I can't find the quote online.

I still maintain that the best piece of ass I ever had was when my finger went through the paper.

Maybe Cottonelle can work out a sponsorship agreement with him.

But let's move on to something tangentially related. Way back in my late teens I had access to the church 4-track recording machine - I think it was a Tascam. My friends and I would compose and record terrible songs from time to time. It was a hell of a lot of fun. I still have a few copies of copies of some of the songs kicking around. I'd have a lot more if some shit hadn't stolen my backpack that had the MD of the songs. Grr.

The original. Top bits removed by parrot.

Anyways, one time I remember well. I was still living at my parents' home in Pitt Meadows. John was over and we were playing around with music. While I chatted on the phone, John was making beats on the Alesis HR-16 and composing a matching bass line. He interrupted my conversation to request a topic to write lyrics about. Annoyed (I was talking to a girl), I wrote "poo" on a piece of paper and waved him away.

He had more success than I did. By the time I finished, he had written a verse and a chorus. It was magnificent! I tacked on a second verse and came up with a very minimalist rhythm guitar part and a crappy (not because it's punny but because it's accurate) solo. He sang the lead vocal and played bass. I did a squeaky background vocal and played the guitar.

I recently remastered it. Here it is:

Poo (Remaster) by pough