How Not to Seem Trustworthy, or, How to Look Like a Scammer

Alexander is sincere.

That's what he tells me, anyways, in all of his emails to me. He sends me a few every day. I've sent back a few inquiries and the odd obscenity-riddled rant, but it changes nothing. Not that his emails never change, mind you. In fact, they're all different in key details.

Each time, the company he works at is different. But in each case it never makes any sense for someone with that email address to be sending me the message Alexander sends me. You see, he is assuming that I want to buy a certain domain name. (I wouldn't mind, actually.) But why would someone at "Gospel Music Stars" or "No No Hair Removal Review" or "Nano Cleaning" be offering to help me buy a guitar parts domain name?

He also moves around a lot. Nashville, Houston, Spring Hill (Tennessee), Colorado Springs... dude never seems to stay in the same place more than a day.

All of that is bad enough, of course. But it gets worse when I realize that Alexander has no last name. He also includes links in his emails that claim to go to one website, but actually go to another. That's not something to engender trust. And since he wants to enter into a business agreement with me, trust is definitely a plus.

Now, I have no solid proof that Alexander's offer is a scam. I have no way of knowing that he is a crook or a charlatan. However, I do think that the way he tries to initiate business is one that raises suspicion in far too many ways. Also, I think that he is stupid.

So if you're in the market for a domain that's up for auction, you probably couldn't do much worse than alex@doutnik.com, I mean alex@scottneff.com, I mean alex@nano-cleaning.com, I mean alex@lazerkasemakinesi.com, I mean alex@nonohairremovalreview.com, I mean alex@gospelmusicstars.com. That guy. He'll probably have a different email address when he contacts you, but he will be pretty obviously not somebody that you want to trust, no matter how sincere he claims to be.

Preferred Domain Availability Notification:

[domain name goes here] will be listed for auction soon. This domain might be useful for you, since you own a domain similar to this domain.

To confirm interest in owning this domain, fill out the simple form here: [misleading link goes here]

Sincerely,Alexander
6660 Delmonico Drive, Suite 415 Colorado Springs, CO 80919

If you do not want more of these messages, please click the link above and follow instructions at the bottom of the page

[humanizing quote from big-name author goes here]

Speaking of not seeming trustworthy and looking like a scammer, I got a call at 7am this morning from a nice fellow who claimed to be from "Window Operating System". That's a clever name. Anyways, he was kind enough to let me know that my computer was sending his company error messages. My goodness! I happened to mention that it was motherf*cking seven in the morning, and was surprised when he assured me that I was, in fact, the motherf*cker. Well. Perhaps he needed to know about his status as a c*nt. I think he did. So I told him, several times.

I like to think we were helping each other out. He let me know that my computer... Oh. I just realized that he didn't tell me which one. I have five. Anyways, now I know that my computer has evolved the ability to send strange people messages. That's fine. It's not a problem for me, but I do think it's worth knowing. And he definitely needed to know that he is a c*nt. Maybe at some point in time he will be visited by some officers of the law and they can explain in greater detail.

UPDATE! Alex sent me a few more sincere emails, but in the end I simply waited until the domain name was available normally and I got it through the normal channels. I should maybe send him a sincere thank-you note since I don't think I would have thought about that domain name without his creepy spam.