Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Case of Legitimate Incredulity

There's been an awful lot of digit ink spilled over the comments of some random old politician I'd never heard of before. I had no intention of spilling any more. But.

There's a Japanese world news program that my wife and I like to watch in the mornings. She likes it because it's a very good program. I like it because the man announcer's head is shaped exactly like an egg and that amuses me.

The story started off with video of the old politician dude making his crazy comments, with subtitled translation. Then it cut to woman announcer who said:

What the f*ck!? Holy living f*ck did that stupid old f*ck just say what I f*cking think he said? Is there some kind of bad f*cking translation issue, here? Seriously: what the f*ck?

That's a very loose translation, but what her lips weren't saying of that, the rest of her face definitely was. When the time came to move on to the next story she had to pause, take a deep breath, and say, "next..."

IMPORTANT UPDATE: Victoria Jackson's head looks exactly like a thumb in a wig with a face painted on it. Don't believe me?

Monday, August 27, 2012

Not Nearly Enough Junk

Dear eBay,

Could you please make it more difficult to read the messages people send me? 90% junk isn't nearly enough junk. It would be far more difficult to read the actual message part if it were a more optimal 95% or even 98% junk. Maybe if you were to add a few more messages about the sins of you not getting some of every payment I receive, both on the subtotal and the shipping, and then again on the payment.

Thank you,
An 90%-of-the-way to Satisfied Customer

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Maybe in the Minor Prophets Nobody Reads?

That it was written at all is sad beyond measure. That it was written by a professor at Yale makes it loop all the way past sad to hilarious and then back again to sad.

Here it is. Make sure you're sitting down and there are no fluids in your mouth.

The idea of America– freedom, equality, democracy, and America as the promised land–grew straight out of the Bible.

It sure did.

See full article here. If you dare.

Gah. Have to cleanse my brain now with something a million times more intelligent, like YouTube comments.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Yo Duh Lay He Who?

About 50 years ago a young loner in Tokyo discovered yodeling on the radio. The story doesn't end there, though, no matter how badly you may want it to.

He taught himself how to yodel and... Hold on. How do you know when you've got it right? ... Oh well, never mind. Now he could yodel and he started to appear on Japanese television. My mind balks at the thought that those two things are connected.

But our story moves on to Switzerland, where Takeo Ishii performs at a beer hall in Zurich for money. For money! And it wasn't him paying the beer hall for the privilege, either. One thing (yodeling) leads to another (more yodeling) and he gets to be on TV in Europe, culminating in the greatest nickname ever conceived: the "Japanese yodeler."

And now, the sentence that inspired me to write this blog post. I'm just going to quote it directly because there's no way to improve on perfection.

Ishii met his wife Henriette in 1981 and proposed to her three years later at an onsen (hot spring) in Japan, where he yodeled his proposal to her.

That's good stuff.