Random Songs, Unforgotten

Every once in a while a song comes bubbling up out of the depths of my memory and gets lodged in my consciousness. This time it's "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy". Unfortunately the only lyric from the song that I know is "like a rhinestone cowboy" and it's got me wondering.. what is like a rhinestone cowboy? Is there anything else like a rhinestone cowboy? Nothing that I'm aware of.

And then I realized that I don't want to know what's like a rhinestone cowboy. I figure when the song you've written is called Like a Rhinestone Cowboy, you're probably not going to be writing anything particularly profound. So I'm not going to bother to look up the rest of the lyrics to find out what it is.

Mind you, I don't imagine they could do much worse than the person who wrote "like a rock... charging from the gate".

Could they? Let's not find out.

Vocaloid2 - A First Look and Listen

According to the README, Vocaloid2 "has a cool new look with improved user functionality", which makes me very happy. Not the new interface. That doesn't make me happy at all. What makes me happy is knowing that I never experienced the old one. If this is an improvement then the old one must have been the interface equivalent of pepper spray being applied to your eyes with butter knives. I think it was designed for users with VGA monitors. Everything is cramped, tiny, and pointlessly shortened in eye-straining white on black. Remember computers in the 80s? It's like that only it has no excuse.

Upon startup, you can jump right in. The select tool is the one you start with, in case you're ready to select any or all of those zero notes. And yes, it uses the classic tool paradigm, with icons. Select arrow; phallus draw tool; mysterious slash; eraser; tic-tac-toe; and... something. One thing at a time! I think I'll spend a few minutes selecting notes. Then I'll draw some for a while. Perhaps later, after the sun has gone down, I'll delete some. Does nobody else use a mouse? You have a perfectly good multi-function tool right under your hand! I can understand some functions requiring a special tool - like whatever the hell that last one does - but select, draw and delete should all be doable using just the mouse. Unless you're Mozart, you will be doing all three of those things at the same time.

Okay, so I switched to the draw tool (because at this point select is completely useless) and I drew in some notes. They all default to "Ooh [U:]". Let's have a listen.

ohmstudio - First Impressions

I've finally gotten around to installing and trying ohmstudio, which looks to be a very cool new (still in limited beta) collaborative music studio.

One way that I like to judge music software (often called a host, sequencer, or DAW ("digital audio workstation"*)) is its TTMS - time to make sound. There are two philosophies being put to the test here. One is that the primary purpose of music software is to make noise via loaded virtual instruments. The second is that easy things should be easy**. So what I do is try to load an instrument and play it using my keyboard and time how long it takes without using a manual.

Most are miserable failures, in my opinion. Keep in mind, though, that different people will have different work-flows and assumptions. I'm only expressing my own opinion here. (Were you expecting me to express yours?)

Speaking of miserable failures, the program that I feel does it best is Tracktion. It was developed under an understanding that while music has traditionally been done in the physical domain, music software is first of all software and it should work on the strengths of such instead of trying to pretend to be hardware. When you're working on a track, everything relevant to it is easy to see, flowing from left to right. Unfortunately Mackie bought it, developed it slightly, then left it to languish. It hasn't been updated since the start of 2008.

And so here I am trying something new.

Anyways, the TTMS of ohmstudio ain't bad. There were only two obstacles. One was that it comes with only a few plugins, effects and instruments are lumped together, and the Ohmies really like to use cryptic names. Apparently (and I'm not 100% sure about this) only one of them is an instrument. It took a while to load, likely because at the same time I was trying to get the program to find and list all the instruments I already have. It didn't like that. After a few minutes, I noticed there was an error window behind the program window. Meanwhile, "MiniMonsta:Melohman***" wasn't loading.

The error was a mysterious one. It would seem that one instrument was telling me to load a disc from the installation of a different one! NI's B4 wanted me to put the Kontakt disc #2 in the drive, or some such. No idea. Ignored it. Tried a few other more specific folders. Also didn't work.

But MiniMonsta:Melohman eventually did load. Twice. I must have gotten impatient and tried again. But it loaded. The second obstacle was finding whatever it was that let the MIDI from my keyboard route through the instrument. It's a little "ON" button. I only tried about three things until I found it.

Meanwhile, my attempt to have ohmstudio see my VST plugins was making it decidedly unhappy. It crashed. I loaded it again and it crashed again. A reboot solved the problem.

It's a start. I can make some noise.

NEXT: I try to record MIDI and write MIDI!

* I've never been fond of this term, for two reasons. One: it's another TLA****. Second: the term is also used for a physical computer that's been configured to run music software, so you end up with a DAW running on a DAW.

** I don't mind if difficult things are difficult as long as easy things are easy.

*** Incidentally, this is a very nice plugin and its inclusion is very generous! Thanks, Ohmies! (Note that it's not a full VST version that can run in other hosts.)

**** Three-letter acronym

Like a Phoenix!

The Phoenix

Like a Phoenix, my music computer rises from the ashes of its destruction. Or maybe a bit more slowly, like Lazarus.

Anyways, it died a few days back, but I replaced all its innards and now it's running. In fact, it's running much better than before. It should. It has a much faster processor, more RAM, a bigger hard drive and it's running Windows 7 rather than XP. Those are a lot of changes for the better.

The tricky part is re-installing everything. Some things are easier than others. Some are more worthwhile than others. Some probably won't run at all any more. I know of one at least that requires a special key from a server that no longer exists. Let that be a lesson to you: crappy copy protection hurts paying customers.

I'm going to write about this experience, in part because I just want to remember a few things if I need to handle some of the companies that make the software.

Nightmares and Other Odd Dreams

Last night I had that same old dream
It rocked me in my sleep
It left me with the impression
That the sandman plays for keeps
~Larry Norman

We were in a castle. My best friend was sitting in a window sill. Over his shoulder I could see a hilly landscape on a sunny day. Suddenly and strangely, the dream turned ugly. My friend, laughing, ordered a man with both Down Syndrome and an axe to kill me. I ran away, completely overwhelmed with terror. To make things worse I started to feel an incredible fatigue, almost as if I was, ironically, falling asleep. My steps shortened and my muscles relaxed, but my terror remained. I stopped running and crumpled to the ground, incapable of any kind of movement yet still very aware of my surroundings. My friend was still laughing.

I woke up, terrified, as the axe blade started to bite into my neck.

Strings Sample Library Group Buy

Those of you who like to record or compose music on your computers are probably aware of Kontakt and also know what a strings sample library is. And if you don't already own one, you might wish you did. If I am describing you, then you are in luck! Kirk Hunter Studios makes some great symphonic sample libraries. Even if you've never heard of them, there's a very good chance you've heard them! And right now (until November 25th, 2011) they have a special group buy deal, where the more people sign up to buy, the lower the price gets - down to 75% off the regular price.

This is an amazing deal. As it currently stands (Nov 3) we're just 5 people away from at the 60% discount level. I've got my eye on that Pop/Rock Strings library that will soon be is currently under $100 and likely eventually under $65. For details on the group buy you can visit KvR. But to me the best way to look at it is to see all the products for sale with their percentage prices. Someone's already done that and I'm stealing it:

Library - List price

15% off | 20% off | 40% off | 50% off | 60% off | 75% off

 

Pop/Rock Strings - $249.00

$211.65 | $199.20 | $149.40 | $124.50 | $99.60 | $62.25

 

Concert Strings II - $799.00

$679.15 | $639.20 | $479.40 | $399.50 | $319.60 | $199.75

Concert Strings II - Whole Divisions - $249.00

$211.65 | $199.20 | $149.40 | $124.50 | $99.60 | $62.25

Solo Strings II - $249.00

$211.65 | $199.20 | $149.40 | $124.50 | $99.60 | $62.25

 

Concert Brass II - $349.00 *

$296.65 | $279.20 | $209.40 | $174.50 | $139.60 | $87.25

Concert Brass II - Whole Divisions - $199.00

$169.15 | $159.20 | $119.40 | $99.50 | $79.60 | $49.75

Concert Brass II - Half Divisions - $199.00

$169.15 | $159.20 | $119.40 | $99.50 | $79.60 | $49.75

 

Diamond (Orchestra) - $549.00

$466.65 | $439.20 | $329.40 | $274.50 | $219.60 | $137.25

 

I've signed up!

Note that all libraries except Pop/Rock Strings require you to already have Kontakt 4 or greater.

* Regular list price is $399 but was already on sale when the group buy started.

The Mumbler

Here's what I remember. I remember plans being made in the driveway and the thrill of anticipation. I remember Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" playing on the radio as we wound our way up the Sea-to-Sky highway. I remember a crackling fire in the fireplace, as soothing a sound as you'll find in this world. I remember hiking and exploring. I remember letting my friends go alone. I remember a soft voice when nobody was speaking. I remember terror. I remember the Mumbler.

"The sun shining at this time for a few minutes afforded an island which, from the shape of the mountain that composes it, obtained the name of Anvil island."

~ from the journal of Captain George Vancouver, June 14, 1792

On a small island in Howe Sound named Anvil, my grandfather built two cabins, both nestled (one above the other) under the shoulder of a Bible camp. The one down by the rocky beach was for him; the one above, on a steep rise, for his sister Jean.

The cabins in Winter

Anvil Island seems to exist in two different worlds. In the memories of many, it's sunshine. Its warmth and brightness can make a person glow for long afterwards, almost like the effect of radiation in a comic. In the real world, it's an island of cold dark shadows, moist with the memory of rain that never quite goes away, surrounded by mountains that steal most of the few hours of sunshine that might persuade its dank forest to surrender its water to the sky. Around some 90% of its shoreline bare cliffs plunge directly into glacier-fed, mercury-stained waters. It looks less like an anvil than a grotesque molar, lonely in the mouth of the sound. Welcoming, it is not.

Ah, but it is well-loved, despite its somewhat fierce mien. As a child, it was my real home. Civilization was a baffling, noisy and unfriendly place. As a teenager, I merely waited out the school year to return to it for those blissful few weeks of socializing that made sense to me. It was in that between time of adolescence that I went there and finally saw past the brightness into its dark, dark shadows. Something was there, looking back at me.

Sounds Get Squished, Sounds Get Gooder

One of the first things I learned about working with music on computers is that the most important effect you can use is compression. The next thing I learned was that it's the least understood effect. Lord knows I didn't understand it. I'm not entirely certain I do now, but I feel confident enough to blather about it in a blog post. I'm pretty sure that I know it well enough to describe it, even if my own application of it would make proper audio engineers point and laugh. But why worry? Nobody reads this blog. And if anyone ever does and they happen to know where I've gone wrong, maybe I'll finally learn!

Original, compressed and final side-by-side-by-side

Quick 'splain
[1] Because of peaks, levels can only be increased so far using just volume controls.
[2] Compression squishes the peaks down.
[3] Now volume controls can raise the levels more effectively.

That's a quick overview, but I'm going to go into more detail about each stage. Read on, if you care.

There's a Market for Anything

Hello!

It took me by surprise at first, because I couldn't even imagine it would be desired, let alone popular enough for an entire product line. But as time went by, it became increasingly clear that Cottonelle toilet paper must be specifically designed to allow a finger through. Either that or they've failed rather spectacularly to make a useful toilet paper. But let's give them the benefit of the doubt. Let's assume that there is enough demand for a TP that includes a high likelihood of a surprise connection between fingertip and sphincter that such a product would be on the market and available wherever normal alternatives can be found.

It puts me in mind of a Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson quote from an old Stuff or Maxim magazine. This is from memory; I no longer have access to the magazine and I can't find the quote online.

I still maintain that the best piece of ass I ever had was when my finger went through the paper.

Maybe Cottonelle can work out a sponsorship agreement with him.

Blog Blogger Bloggest

Way back in the dim, dark history of websites I started to make them. I wasn't very good at it at first, but nobody is and few people ever got to be exceptional. There just weren't many good ways to make websites look good at first, especially with the number of differences between browsers and at first there was no such thing as a WYSIWYG editor. I think, actually, Mozilla had a simpe editor but it wasn't particularly good for much more than very simple things.

Along came Dreamweaver. It was - supposedly - powerful and excellent. I got a copy for work. I hated it.

Here's how it changed my workflow: I used to code pages by hand in a simple text editor. But Dreamweaver allowed me to use a visual editor to almost make the web pages I wanted. After I made each one I needed to make changes by hand so I would wade through oceans of pointless, confusing and distracting gibberish and often simply give up and go back to the text editor.

So really it added time (and frustration) to my workflow. I stopped using it and haven't gone back to anything like it since. That was in about 1998. I still use a text editor. In fact, I'm writing in one now!

Heroes of Pulp Fiction

Adventure Comics #372

When I was just a little kid, I read the comics that my oldest brother inherited from our even older cousins. I didn’t choose anything; I just read whatever was available. Mostly these were DC’s Adventure Comics from the late 60s featuring Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes. Superboy, you see, would travel 1000 years into the future to fight evil villains with a great big group of teen heroes who had all been inspired by his own legendary self. They were colourful and campy, filled with teenage drama and science fiction. In other words, perfect!

The concept of artists and authors being responsible for these works never occurred to me. There were just the stories and the characters, and that was good enough for me.

Hey Baby, Nice... Nevermind

I've never been much of a Green Lantern fan. Not sure why, he's just never really captured my imagination. But I'm always interested in the latest comic-based movies, so I was checking out the Green Lantern trailer when something grabbed my attention.

Or maybe I should say a lack of something grabbed my attention; a lack of clothing. Yes, in typical comic book fashion, a female character is exposing her chest in a way that's just barely legal and is definitely in violation of physics. And it makes it even more glaringly obvious when she is the only character showing any flesh and also the only female character in a room full of male characters.

It's Stifling in Here!

Photo by David Shankbone

Said Fox News chief Roger Ailes of the reasons behind Glenn Beck's departure: "Advertisers who get weak-kneed because some idiot on a blog site writes to them and says we need to stifle speech, I get a little frustrated by that."

I spent a little time wondering what he meant by "stifling speech". It's obviously not about Beck's ability to speak. That's unchanged. And he can do it in public, too. Then there are the books that he publishes. He's losing his TV show at Fox, but I haven't heard that his radio show is over. Oh, and he has a website.

So what does stifling speech mean to Roger Ailes? I guess it means that nobody is willing to pay Beck millions of dollars to speak on TV. With that it mind...

Stop stifling my speech!